Ninety-Eight Percent
by Dragonlady1
Summary: This is basically a little fic based on one of the sayings from the 'Things HP Characters Would Never Say' list. I was given this idea from a reviewer, and decided to see how it would go. Read & review and I'll love you forever!! Or not...


  
I know, I know, you must all think there is seriously *grins* something wrong with me, because all I ever end up writing is useless little fics with no plots. I can only write crazy humour. If it's even funny. Which it generally isn't, although some of you seem to like the stuff I write. Yeah, well, what can I say? Crazy little humour fics? It's my burden to bear....  
  
So, here we are again. No, this doesn't have a plot. No, it's not for serious people (Sirius people maybe, but not serious people) and yes, I am worried about my level of...hold on, hold on, the voices in my head are saying something...change the CD? Yeah, I think I will, actually.  
  
Muuuch better. Now, someone said that those 'Things Harry Potter Characters Would Never Say' lists would be good if someone wrote a fic about one of the sayings. Well, I decided...yep, I'll do that. May as well. So...let's get ready to ruuumble!  
  
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'I don't believe it...again!' Hermione wailed as she entered the common room, a piece of parchment in her hand. 'How is this happening? What did I do wrong? God, what do you have against me?!'  
  
'Um...Hermione?' Ron asked tentatively. He was sitting in the corner playing chess with Harry. 'Check-mate. You lose.'  
  
'Damn it!'  
  
'Is it because I've always been so perfect? So? I appreciated every minute of my smartness!' Ron groaned.  
  
'Oh boy. She got 98% again.'  
  
'Say what?' Harry had been watching the journey of a fly. It landed on the table, then flew off and landed on the chess board. Harry shooed it away.  
  
'Hermione got...'  
  
'I'M A FAILURE!!'  
  
'98% again.' Harry finished Ron's sentence. 'Oh, brother, what is her *problem*?' Hermione finally reached them.   
  
'Look!' she shrieked, flapping the paper in front of Harry's face, then in front of Ron's. '98%! I'm ruined! How could this have *happened* to me??'  
  
'Um...'  
  
'I have no idea!! I was so smart! I helped everyone, I used my intelligence!! And now,' she waved the paper dramatically, 'this! This...98% rubbish!! I have to go see Flitwick and take the test again! It's because I missed Cheering Charms in our third year!!' And with that, Hermione made her dramatic exit. Harry and Ron rolled their eyes. Honestly.  
  
**ONE WEEK LATER**  
  
'Today I shall be returning your tests,' Professor McGonagall. 'The small test we took last week. I must say, I am quite pleased with the results.' Walking up and down the aisles, she deposited pieces of parchment on everybody's desk.  
  
'Well done, Parvati. Well done, Seamus. Excellent work, Lavender. Very pleasing effort, Neville. Good, Hermione.' Harry coughed, and Hermione shot him a dark look, then looked down at her test.  
  
'Is this my test?' she asked Professor McGonagall. Professor McGonagall looked surprised.  
  
'Yes, it is, Hermione. What's wrong?'  
  
'I only got...98%! What's the deal with that?' Hermione demanded.  
  
'That's the grade you got, Hermione.' Professor McGonagall frowned slightly at her, then moved on. Harry got 90%, while Ron was happy with his 85%.  
  
'Not bad,' he said, looking at it. 'I was expecting 80, like what I got last time.'  
  
'How can you be satisfied with such a lousy score?' Hermione hissed. 'I can't even bare to look at myself in the mirror because of all these horrifying marks!'  
  
'My heart weeps for you,' Ron replied sarcastically. '98%. What a tragedy.' Hermione shot him a look as cold as ice, and Harry quickly interfered.  
  
'Relax, relax, guys. We don't need to start World War Three. Hermione, stress less. Ron, cut the sarcastic crap.'  
  
'What's *your* problem?' Ron demanded.  
  
'My problem? Listening to the two of you sniping at each other all day,' Harry grumbled.   
  
'OK, class, you can go,' Professor McGonagall announced.   
  
'Good, lunch, I can get my mind off my 'lousy score',' Ron mimicked nastily. Hermione glared at him and stomped out of the room angrily.  
  
* * * * *  
Lunch was a hostile time. Hermione and Ron were barely talking to each other, while Harry was in a rotten mood, since he had to listen to them argue 24/7.  
  
'What's wrong with Hermione?' Parvati whispered to Harry, who shrugged.  
  
'Who knows?'  
  
'Is it because she got 94%?' Parvati asked. Harry shrugged again.  
  
'Probably. I, personally, see nothing wrong with that score...wait, wait, wait. 94%?! She said she got 98%!'  
  
'I'd be happy with 94%,' Ron commented.   
  
'That's because you've never had anything better!' Hermione cried, and Harry jumped. He hadn't realized she was listening. 'Imagine being perfect all your life, then going downhill. Think of other people for once! And that goes especially to you, Ronald Weasley!' Hermione jumped up and left the table at great speed.  
  
'What's her problem?' Ron grumbled, knowing full well what the answer was.  
  
'You are so dense,' Parvati muttered. 'Ronald. What a goon.'  
  
* * The Next Day...But At Night * *  
'Look, I'm used to all these 98%'s and 97%'s now, OK?' Hermione said to Harry. ' I'm even used to the 94%. I mean, we've had five of those tests, and I got 98%, 97%, 98%, 98% and 94% on them. I'm cool with it.' Hermione swallowed quickly to get rid of the lump forming in her throat. 'I'm cool with it,' she repeated. 'I'm used to it.' Walking away from him, she started up the stairs to the girls' dorm. 'See you in the morning.'  
  
'Yeah, good-night,' Harry called absentmindedly. Ron came over.  
  
'Nice of her to talk to *me*,' he grumbled.  
  
'Ron, if I was in her position, I wouldn't talk to you,' Harry replied with a small laugh.  
  
'Thanks. That's a real self-esteem booster, that one.'   
  
  
Hermione sat on her bed, studying the tests in front of her. 98%, 97%, 98%, 94% and 98%.. They stood out on the parchment as if they were neon.   
  
'I just don't understand how this happened,' she murmured to herself. 'I mean, what was I thinking? I studied hard. I really did. I can remember clearly. Studied all night, and...oh, man, what happened?' She paused. 'I once had perfect grades, but now look.' She allowed herself a small smile. 'Not. Happy. Jan!' Once she'd said it, she giggled a little. 'Oh, I just don't know!'  
  
'Well, I do.' Hermione looked up abruptly.  
  
'Neville? This is the girls' dorm.'  
  
'Yeah, I know. But you looked so upset, so.' He shrugged, and walked over to her. 'Believe it or not, I may know why you did so badly on those tests. It's because...'   
  
'What? You'd know!' Hermione laughed shrilly. 'What, now *you're* telling me the answers! Ha!' Neville looked so hurt, Hermione immediately regretted it. 'Oh, Neville, I'm sorry. I'm just so...stressed at the moment.'  
  
'That's it.'  
  
'Huh?'  
  
'That's why you did so, well, "badly" on the tests,' Neville explained carefully. 'You overtaxed your brain. You're so stressed because you're overworked.'  
  
'I am not!' Hermione cried indignantly. 'I'm not overworked! This is exactly how I always work!'  
  
'Yeah, exactly, that's why you did so "badly". You finally worked too hard.' Neville left after that statement, leaving Hermione standing in the dorm, half way between throwing something at the wall and bashing her head against the bed post. She decided to not imitate Dobby, so she threw her pillow at the door.  
  
* * One Week Later * *  
'I'll now return the final of your preliminary exams, or your 'tests',' Professor Binns' ghost announced. He floated up and down the aisles, placing parchment on everyone's desk.  
  
*Please better than 94%,* Hermione begged silently. *Please, let me have a perfect score! Please!*  
  
'And Hermione,' Professor Binns said, making Hermione jump. He placed the parchment on her desk. 'Well done.' Hermione looked down.   
  
'98%!' She paused. 'Oh well.'  
  
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What happened? All my ideas went out the window, so I was left with that. Yeah, read, review, flame. Man. That so didn't work. Next time (I'll definitely do Dobby), I'll make it more interesting. Promise. Basically, my-writing wise, I personally thought it was pretty crappy. But there you go. But I DID fit TWO of the sayings in there. Come on, guys, credit where credit is due. Well, no, it wasn't THAT bad, but...I'm probably being too critical.  
  
Btw, has anyone read the Animorphs book #36, 'The Mutation?' It's in Jake's POV, where they follow the Sea Blade down and find that 'Atlantis' place. Who else thought that all the ships and stuff were from the Bermuda Triangle? I was convinced they were, but...oh well.  
  
**This story is dedicated to Warren a.k.a Missa because she has no idea who the Marauders are. (I said, 'Sirius is a Marauder.' She said, 'Marauder's Map. He helped write it.' Well, duh! Because he's a Marauder. You may be a year older than me, but I still know more than you! Ha! Ahem.)**   
  
As you are now so once was I.  
As I am now, so you will be.  
So be prepared,  
To review for me!  
  
Disclaimer: Use your brains. (With the exception of Missa, who hasn't got one, and still hasn't been down to the second hand brain shop yet). Is my name J.K.Rowling? No, it is not. So, obviously, none of the characters used here are mine. Comprende? I also do not own the first three lines of the reviewing thingy.  
  
Claimer: I own the last line of the reviewing thingy. Use it, and me and my army of pens will attack and destroy. Then veg out and listen to some music.  
  
Au revoir, ma petite whatevers!   
  
~*Dragonlady*~   
  
Missa, do me and everyone else a favour, and don't ask about the name. Just...don't. Save us all the pain of having to sit down for ten minutes and explain it. In case you didn't know, Dobby is the little House Elf that makes his debut appearance in Book Two.   
  
Ich habe foid poosening!  



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